Presently I am experiencing a down.

I'm sure no matter how I attempt not to make this a "baw baw" post, it's going to turn into it either way. If you're not in the mood, please stop reading now, I've just had so many things going down that I figured I might as well put it into words. IMHO facebook is too public here and the really important close figures in my life watch my da, so ya. It's something I really only want the handful of you to know without making it so public. Besides, it's not like anyone outside my group of friends really reads my da journal.

Anyway, this whole quarter hasn't been very pleasant for me in the least. I'm back home, I'm still playing a slight catch-up with my classes, but all in all things aren't going as bad there. It sucks to have to drive to classes every day and be home with mom and dad, but I love them and I learn to appreciate what I have, you know? I think it's just taken me a long time to process all the overwhelming emotion that kind of washed over me regarding the entire situation. Perhaps I reacted too fast to the whole situation, but I was so emotionally numb that I could not have decided something else. I miss all of you up there and there's not a day that I don't go by thinking of each and every one of you. I try to give little messages of "hey I'm thinking of you!" but I need to do a little more than that, I'm aware. However, my mantra has become "Everything happens for a reason," which leads me into my next caveat.

If I've been emotional lately to any of you, or excessively wtf I promise there's a reason. Of course this doesn't excuse my behavior, but I just want it off of my chest. Last week we found out that my sister may have cancer. I am not saying this in anyway to garner attention or anything in the like. If this was something that's just "one of a few things it could be" or someone in my family going overboard I would never post it. When I first found out I just assumed it was my mom overexaggerating one of my sister's symptoms. Then I realized the doctor was so worried that she's been given an appointment to see an oncologist. Regardless if it is cancer or not, what is wrong with my sister is most likely serious (along the lines of something autoimmune or leukemia). I'm scared to death guys, I don't like the idea that my sister is going to suffer. Of course it's far too early to say this, but the fear still tugs at the bottom of my stomach. I don't want her to die.

As I say this, I don't expect everyone to drop everything and cater to me, of course not. No matter what personal distress you are going through, the world still turns. Live goes on. And well, in the huge population of this earth, your bad day is basically an insignificant spec. So, I want to say that I'm sorry if I've been weird or anything lately. I understand the world does not revolve around me, and I need to start realizing that I shouldn't expect so much out of people. Either way, that is my story, more or less. I hope it has at least given everyone a little enlightenment to what's going on in my life.

If anyone has gone through this situation though and would like to talk to me, I would totally appreciate it. Cancer is such a powerful and scary word, you know? Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Halloween doing whatever they are (Within the limits of the law, y'all). I'll probably get really busy in the upcoming weeks depending on my sister's diagnosis and finals. Either way, you all take care, ok? Thank you.