Presently I am experiencing a down.

I'm sure no matter how I attempt not to make this a "baw baw" post, it's going to turn into it either way. If you're not in the mood, please stop reading now, I've just had so many things going down that I figured I might as well put it into words. IMHO facebook is too public here and the really important close figures in my life watch my da, so ya. It's something I really only want the handful of you to know without making it so public. Besides, it's not like anyone outside my group of friends really reads my da journal.

Anyway, this whole quarter hasn't been very pleasant for me in the least. I'm back home, I'm still playing a slight catch-up with my classes, but all in all things aren't going as bad there. It sucks to have to drive to classes every day and be home with mom and dad, but I love them and I learn to appreciate what I have, you know? I think it's just taken me a long time to process all the overwhelming emotion that kind of washed over me regarding the entire situation. Perhaps I reacted too fast to the whole situation, but I was so emotionally numb that I could not have decided something else. I miss all of you up there and there's not a day that I don't go by thinking of each and every one of you. I try to give little messages of "hey I'm thinking of you!" but I need to do a little more than that, I'm aware. However, my mantra has become "Everything happens for a reason," which leads me into my next caveat.

If I've been emotional lately to any of you, or excessively wtf I promise there's a reason. Of course this doesn't excuse my behavior, but I just want it off of my chest. Last week we found out that my sister may have cancer. I am not saying this in anyway to garner attention or anything in the like. If this was something that's just "one of a few things it could be" or someone in my family going overboard I would never post it. When I first found out I just assumed it was my mom overexaggerating one of my sister's symptoms. Then I realized the doctor was so worried that she's been given an appointment to see an oncologist. Regardless if it is cancer or not, what is wrong with my sister is most likely serious (along the lines of something autoimmune or leukemia). I'm scared to death guys, I don't like the idea that my sister is going to suffer. Of course it's far too early to say this, but the fear still tugs at the bottom of my stomach. I don't want her to die.

As I say this, I don't expect everyone to drop everything and cater to me, of course not. No matter what personal distress you are going through, the world still turns. Live goes on. And well, in the huge population of this earth, your bad day is basically an insignificant spec. So, I want to say that I'm sorry if I've been weird or anything lately. I understand the world does not revolve around me, and I need to start realizing that I shouldn't expect so much out of people. Either way, that is my story, more or less. I hope it has at least given everyone a little enlightenment to what's going on in my life.

If anyone has gone through this situation though and would like to talk to me, I would totally appreciate it. Cancer is such a powerful and scary word, you know? Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Halloween doing whatever they are (Within the limits of the law, y'all). I'll probably get really busy in the upcoming weeks depending on my sister's diagnosis and finals. Either way, you all take care, ok? Thank you.

So we're leaving for Otakon in 17 days. I can't believe it's come so quickly!! Needless to say, I have a lot of work ahead of me, as well as a lot of updating to do. I have (this past year) drawn quite a few stickers that I will be spamming all over da. I hope you're all ready for it, because I have about 30 finished. XD There will be about 20-30 more here done soon. Lets all root for me ok?

Likewise, as I'm posting pictures, I am open for suggestions and requests. If there is a sticker you'd like to see drawn, or a sticker you'd like to own please let me know. I will be selling all of these at the con for $1 a piece or 6 for $5. If you cannot make it to the convention, I'd be happy to go ahead and mail you any sticker sets you'd like. All I ask is an extra dollar for shipping (unless you want other things, but we'd go into that!).

Anyway, to keep a long journal short:

1. Otakon FFFF (I believe we're in tables Q3 and Q4). Just look for BakaSquared in the Q section. It'll be me and , and

2. If you see any stickers you want, have requests to make, just wanna make a comment, PLEASE DO! Feedback helps me more than you know.

3. I am working hard and cannot wait to sell!!

A lot of things lately, like why I've been so moody and needing to have AshleighAlone!Time (although it's really not been happening that much at all). I dunno what's up really, but I'm just tired of people. I'm so ready to sit in my room and have happy me time. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I've had a busy last week and I'm ready for down time. Who knows maybe after this weekend I'll calm down a bit (I bet against it though, ahhh family time). At least tonight I've gotten a lot of time to myself and I'm able to calm down a bit.

On the note of things I don't understand, I much don't find the reasoning behind the Maka/Chrona pairing. Not that it's bad or anything, I just don't understand it. XD I've been seeing a lot of the art lately and I'm kinda like "Hmmm." It reminds me of those good ol' crack pairings of the old days (omfg I'm still all about Sasuke/Temari). XD It's meant to be nothing bad or directed at anyone's art lately, I've just been seeing it a ton and I was really confused! Perhaps I'll learn soon enough.

Next point: I don't understand how one can become so addicted to South Park. It's a disease I tell you, one that's taken hold of me recently and shows no signs of letting go. Perhaps when I'm brave enough and draw something I really like I'll post it up. As far as I know, DA is saying I have 99 deviantions and I really want my 100 to be really special.

Something else that doesn't make sense to me: why did it take so long for me to read Hellsing? I mean hell, I finished it... in one day. But gosh why did I wait that long. It was TOTALLY worth the wait and I thank the upcoming fandom. There are so many things I could go on about, especially the Captain (I think that's it, the werewolf guy that works for Millenium that never talks, he's just so cool!). I practically spent the entirety of the series going on about how cool he was, how hard the Valentine brothers made me laugh, how human Alucard really was, and how Integra was sooo my favorite character. Hirano truly produced a classic series (perhaps a bit rushed at the end), but it was soo worth it.

Eh I figure that's enough babbling for now. On a sidenote, Tekko went pretty well. I met some WONDERFUL people and I look forward to con-ing again with them sometime soon. For anyone that ordered a commission, I should be starting on it in the next few days and for sure will have it finished in the next week or two. If you have any questions, please just note me ^-^

Thanks for viewing~

less than 20 = Seme
Over 20 = Uke


01-[x] You like to be content in everything.
02-[ ] When a person confesses his/her love to you and you don’t like him/her, you start feeling very tense and/or you don’t know what to say. (suprisingly I know how to try and express how I feel)
03-[x] You enjoy listening to smooth and relaxing music.
04-[x] You are quite hyperactive. (This is such a lawl answer, because god I am)
05-[ ] If you don’t like something, you start crying and you don’t care if you start talking too loud.
06-[ ] You love candies or any type of caramel. (Only certain types, not all)
07-[x] You like making others blush. (XD GOD YES I DO)
08-[x] You sleep with a doll/ teddy bear/ pillow in your hand. (I am a well known sleep-clinger, whatever is next to me I latch on)
09-[x] You’re usually shy with the opposite sex. (Depends on the situation, but in a romantic sense, yaaa..)
10-[x] You like romantic- funny anime. ( Guilty pleasure)
11-[ ] Between L or Light cosplay, you prefer L. (Screw that pussy, I'm totes a Raito)
12-[x] You have listened “an café”.
13-[x] You like listening to it (the above band). (I haven't heard much, but I do like them ^0^)
14-[ ] You have 1 or 2 song on your computer of “an café”.
15-[x] You are innocent and a little clumsy. (I'm a total clutz and semi innocent)
16-[x] You smile at kitties. Kitties… ^.^
17-[ ] You usually say –kawaii-.
18-[x] You like plushies.
19-[x] Between light blue and blue, you prefer light blue. (baby blue - light blue - is my favorite color ^-^;
20-[ ] You hate Paris Hilton because she is an idiot. (Who now?)
21-[ ] You have been lost in a shopping center/parking/cinema.
22-[x] You have called to the mistaken number twice or more. (I totally do it by accident, really)
23-[ ] You cried with Pocahontas' ending.
24-[x] You have used a very feminine dress or shirt. (a few, ya)
25-[x] You call your pets with cute names.
26-[ ] You believe that yaoi/yuri is the best.
27-[ ] You're easily to trick/convince.
28-[x] Men scare you. (It's not the men persay, it's their... you know... organ)
29-[x] You have seen Pucca and you like it. (Yeeees)
30-[x] You have pink/red clothes or they are decorated with flowers. (Believe it or not, yes yes i do)
31-[x] Sometimes you start looking at the clouds and you get lost in space.
32-[x] You’ve said “Kyao” or something like that before. (Me and cute noises such as meh happen a lot)
33-[ ] When a person of your same sex gets angry with you, you’re at the defensive.
34-[x] You like j-pop.
35-[x] You have cried for more than one movie/TV series. (...it's more strange when I don't)
36-[ ] You watched gravitation and you felt like Shuichi-you watched strawberry panic and you felt like Nagisa.

23, XD come on, did we really think otherwise?

Hmm... I tag Rini, Lea, Lauren, and whomever else wants to be

Everything thus far in my third year of college has been going surprisingly well. Classes are happening and work is pretty smooth. I'm trying to avoid drama here, and for the most part it's been pretty good. However, things have finally gone awry. What's interesting though, is that it's with stuff back home.

I'm not one that likes to post stuff like this on DA... but I figured it's the best bet (besides I don't use myspace and facebook is just too much). Anyway, I've finally realized that I've really ended a friendship. I suppose that things like this happen and should be expected... but I'm just taking it really hard. I feel upset with the way I handled things, and I wish there was a last opportunity to chat. Although, in my defense I do know that if I had a chance to talk to the person when I was upset... well I would have gone off the deep end and screamed and said some terribly childish things.

Needless to say, I recently found out that one of my good friends really couldn't stand me... they said that I was obnoxious, driving them crazy, that I didn't care about them, showed off online, I was leaving them out, being a bad friend, and just not liked by this person because of it. It was sort of a shock to me... I understand I'm not the best person to call anyone (I... really need motivated to do so, and even then I can be shy about it). To this day I only really call people that I've called many times and have gotten used to it. As for the leaving out part, looking back I can see that I did, but it was never intentional. I just talked about what I liked and many times it was what everyone else really enjoyed and the others weren't into. As for the driving crazy... I don't really know what I did, I'm not aware of it, but I can guarantee it must have been something bad (no sarcasm intended). Instances like this make me think and rethink my personality... and I get into modes where I start disliking myself. I pick apart little pieces of myself that I hate, and it drives me crazy.Maybe I drive everyone crazy because I whine too much, I complain, I don't really know... I hope that I can improve myself in the future so I don't make the same mistakes again.

I hope that I've not hurt you badly... I do care about you, I do love you, you were one of my best friends. I hope your life goes well and that good things will come your way, you will be blessed with a good marriage and perhaps some wonderful children. I'm not trying to act like some martyr or victim, by any stretch of the mind I'm far from it. I'm just as guilty in this situation and I probably could have done more to help and talk about it before breaking things off so quickly. But it did hurt to hear all those things... I'm sorry you think that way about me.

All in all things will get better, and I'll live on to see tomorrow. But it does hurt a little at night once in a while when I think about what I've lost. ::sigh:: Well all emoness and gloom aside... thanks for reading this. I hope I didn't bore you senseless.

One one last note: Good luck, I hope God blesses you with everything you've wanted, and if you ever need anything, I will be here to help if I can.